Why Do You Never Think You Are Good Enough? Today's The Day You Need To Stop Hating Yourself and Start Acting On Behalf Of Your Heart's Desires
Best-selling author Daphne Rose Kingma shares insights and tips from her new book "When You Think You're Not Enough: The Four Life-Changing Steps to Loving Yourself."
Daphne Rose Kingma, author of When You Think You're Not Enough: The Four Life-Changing Steps to Loving Yourself discusses the reasons why loving ourselves is so difficult and she shares her insights into how to silence the critical voices that prevent us from reaching our goals and being who we really want to be.
Commitmentnow.com: Why is it important that we learn to love ourselves? Is this something necessary to our lives?
Daphne Rose Kingma: Since the whole point of our human existence is to learn about love, learning to love ourselves is really the most important undertaking of our lives. If we can't love ourselves, nobody else can. And as we all know, while we can often be generous and appreciative of others, it's very hard to hold ourselves in precious loving regard.
Commitmentnow.com: Why do you think so many people have "the haunting belief" that they are not enough?
some sense, all of us have "the haunting belief" that we are not
enough because human existence falls short of perfection. On a spiritual level,
we all have a memory of perfection by which we keep judging ourselves. This
sense of our imperfection is then reinforced by our partcular life stories and
the experiences we have growing up.
No one is perfectly loved, and therefore we all feel gaps in our sense of self-value and our self-confidence.
Commitmentnow.com: What are the four life-changing steps to loving oneself?
Daphne: Speaking out - learning to find the voice that expresses and defends your own self-value.
• Acting out - taking the actions that move you from a place of self-disregared to self-affirmation.
• Clearing out - getting rid of the things, people and experiences that stand in the way of living your essence.
• Setting out - finding a path that is an expression of your divine nature.
Commitmentnow.com: What words of advice do you have for those who feel they are not good enough to ever get what they truly want in life and often feel great shame about who they are?
heart! You really can change the way you feel about yourself. Coming to a state
of self-love is a journey, just as arriving at a state of self-loathing and
disregard was also a journey. Be willing to take each step, and know that with
persistence you can be successful in coming to enjoy and truly honor yourself.
Commitmentnow.com: Why is it easier to hate ourselves and berate ourselves than love ourselves?
Daphne: Because as I've explained in great detail in the book, this behavior, for all of us, follows patterns that in one way or another were set down in childhood. We often hear the voices and take the actions that were set against us as children and unwittingly and repeatedly apply them to ourselves.
Commitmentnow.com: What is it in our culture and lifestyle that makes us feel we are never good enough and can never measure up to some type of invisible standard of perfection?
rapacious greed and consumer orientation of our culture preys on our universal
vulnerability in the arena of self-love. It's as if every advertiser knows our
fear of inadequacy and ruthlessly capitalizes on it. Instead of reminding us
that we are good and whole as we are, these demonic forces capitalize on the
wounds of our childhood and underline our sense of inadequacy.
The good news is that just as we can learn to hold ourselves in tender high regard, we can also dismantle our reverance for these outside forces.
Commitmentnow.com: What are some of the ways we torture ourselves because we think we're not good enough?
Daphne: We talk to ourselves in self torturing voices, criticizing ourselves for everything under the sun - I'm too fat, too thin, too old, I'm not smart enough. When am I ever going to get it together?
We don't take the actions we need to shape or change our lives - quit drinking, go to the gym, take the classes that could get you a better career. We hang onto things that undermine and debilitate us - critical friends, piles of useless objects, outdated attitudes and ways of thinking.
And we forget that we are holy spiritual beings by ignoring the value of spiritual practice or seeking purpose in our lives.
Commitmentnow.com: You state that we all have a life theme. How can we uncover what our life theme is--and how can we succeed at healing this life theme?
Daphne: We all have a life theme which relates to our childhood stories; and I've discussed all the prominent themes in the book. It's important to know what happened to you and how you are being affected by it. Often this awareness in itself is healing. If you're not making strides toward self-love as a consequence of this new learning, seek the help of a professional.
Commitmentnow.com: What does it mean to act out in behalf of yourself?
Daphne: Take action on your own behalf. Do the things that you have always wanted to do or that you have always known would somehow change your life - get a new job, take the trip of your dreams, adopt the baby from China.
Commitmentnow.com: How do we clear our body of negative emotional residue--and how can we remove the clutter from our mind and heart that doesn't belong there and prevents us from being who we really are?
Daphne: The whole book discusses this. Apply these four steps with diligence and you'll experience remarkable changes.
Commitmentnow.com: Once we
learn to love ourselves, how does this impact our ability to love others and
help in the world around us?
Daphne: Every person who loves himself/herself is an inspiration to everyone who beholds them. In our deepest selves, we all know that we are worthy of self-love; and when we see people enacting it, we are inspired to do the same. To become a beacon of self-love is a gift to yourself and to humanity.
To purchase When You Think You're Not Enough click here.
About the Author: Daphne Rose Kingma is a psychotherapist, lecturer, and workshop leader. She is the bestselling author of Coming Apart and many other books on love and relationships, and has been a frequent guest on Oprah.