Remember The Marvelous Mimi From The 'Drew Carey' Show? Actress Kathy Kinney And Co-author Cindy Ratzlaff Have Written A New Book On Coping With Aging By Shedding The Negativity and Becoming Queen of Your Own Life
In their new book, the two best friends for 35 years discuss how women of all ages can learn to see themselves as beautiful and valuable."If you’re not the Queen of Your Own Life now – when will you be ready? No more waiting."
In their new book, Queen of Your Own Life: The Grown-Up Woman's Guide To Claiming Happiness and Getting The Life You Deserve authors Kathy Kinney, best known as Mimi on the Drew Carey Show, and Cindy Ratzlaff, marketing genius behind the launch of the South Beach diet, discuss how women can celebrate the midpoint of their lives with seven gifts--including the simple trick to finally being happy and finding one's inner queen voice. They also share tips on how to create a 'crowning ceremony' where women have a chance to ask themselves: what do you want to let go or banish from the first half of your life that no longer works and what do you want to keep that is still working or what do you like about yourself?
Commitmentnow.com: What motivated you both to write this book?
Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff: It all started with Cindy losing her job after 25 years and also by the fact that we didn’t want to be known as crones for the last half or our lives – especially after we found out crone is a derogatory term based on the French word for “dead flesh” and refers to any women over 40.
Commitmentnow.com: Do you feel that women of a certain age are ignored, forgotten or written off as past their prime? If so, how can a woman celebrate their life, and escape the crushing blows to one's self-esteem that can come with aging?
Kathy and Cindy: We have certainly felt that advertisers are a bit confused about who to market to. Women who are over 40
are the ones with intelligence, money and looking for products to make their lives easier.
The only thing that stands between a woman and the celebration of her life at any age is simply making a choice. We call it time to,”poop or get off the pot,” about how you feel about yourself.
The truth is we are all vibrant, beautiful and valuable no matter what age. It’s all about owning the evidence – we are perfect just the way we are.
Commitmentnow.com: Tell us about the "Crowning Ceremony" and how it got started.
Kathy and Cindy: We invented the Crowning Ceremony because so much information about women at the midpoint of their lives told us that now we were Crones we needed to go off by ourselves and have a “Croning Ceremony.”
We decided we would rather be Queens than Crones and that we wanted to celebrate reaching the midpoint in our lives together with joy. We based the Crowning Ceremony on Kathy’s New Years Eve Party.
We asked ourselves these two questions – “What do you want to let go or banish from the first half of your life that no longer works and what do you want to keep that is still working or what do you like about yourself?
Commitmentnow.com: How did embarking on this ceremony change both of your lives?
Kathy and Cindy: We felt empowered. It was like doing an “extreme personal audit." And, having been friends for more than 35 years, we were able to remind each other of wonderful traits we each were overlooking.
For example, Cindy said "I want to be that girl who was brave enough to sell her bike, take the money and move halfway across the country to New York." And, Kathy was able to say to her, "You still are that girl."
A good friend is able to reflect back to us the best of who we are. We do that for each other. It’s one of the benefits of a
almost 35 year friendship.
Commitmentnow.com: What are the seven gifts a woman will receive when she reads your book?
Kathy and Cindy: After reading our book women will know how to:
1. Claim your beauty and feel your power.
2. Clean your mental closet and find your Queen voice.
3. Admire yourself for who you’ve become.
4. Build deep, fulfilling friendships with other women.
5. Establish firm boundaries that will strengthen all your relationships.
6. Learn the simple trick to finally being happy.
7. Place the crown firmly on your head and celebrate – hopefully with cake.
Commitmentnow.com: How can a woman claim her beauty--when maybe she looks in the mirror and sees a different face than the one she had years ago?
Kathy and Cindy: We think that the lines on a woman's face and the silver in her hair are evidence of a life well lived. We
encourage women to embrace the new face they see in that mirror and practice saying, out loud, "I am
You'd be shocked how many women stumble on those words.
We needed to find the true definition of beauty – nowhere does it say that you must be young, blonde and firm of breast to be beautiful.
In fact look up the word beauty it’s a real eye opener.
Commitmentnow.com: What is the 'mongol horde'? What evils does it inflict on us women? And how do we escape its clutches?
Kathy and Cindy: The Mongol Horde is that chorus of negative voices in your head that say nasty and mean things like, “How could you make a mistake like that? What an idiot!”
We have learned to separate the fact from the
fiction and laugh at the Mongol Horde. We have uncovered what we call our “Queen Voice” – the voice
that tells us to run, play and have fun – important activities for Queens of all ages.
We want women to know that those voices are tricky and that they will evolve, change tone and try to undermine us again, so
we've got to be on guard against the Mongol Horde.
With practice we've learned to recognize and banish
the Mongol Horde whenever they reappear. Laughter seems to be the best tool.
Commitmentnow.com: What is a 'Windy Mountain Moment'?
Kathy and Cindy: A Windy Mountain Moment is simply stopping to take the time to look back over your life from the point you’re at now. It’s a wonderful moment of grace. Picture yourself standing on top of a windy mountain
with your hair blowing in the wind. Now look back down and see the trail you took to get to the top of the
Notice the spots where you stumbled or fell or had to take an unexpected left turn because there was a big boulder right in your way. Take a look at the high points and the low points on the trail and then really let yourself appreciate the journey that brought you to this moment.
You must be doing something,right because you’re here. It’s time to congratulation yourself for a job well done. We invite women to,say, again out loud, "I admire me for the woman I've become, not inspite of the journey, but because of it."
Commitmentnow.com: How does a woman become queen of her own life?
Kathy and Cindy: It’s simply a matter of making the decision and then declaring it to yourself and to a few trusted friends.
If you’re not the Queen of Your Own Life now – when will you be ready? No more waiting - it’s time to let go
of the “would've, could've, should've's” and be who you are meant to be.
Commitmentnow.com: Why do you think so many women don't feel like a queen of their life? How did you both become queen of your lives?
Kathy and Cindy: We don't set boundaries in our relationships. We say yes when we mean no and then feel resentful. We run ourselves ragged doing for others but never taking enough time to care for and nurture ourselves. It's hard
to feel royal when your bone tired and resentful.
We try to help women see that it's not selfish to take time
for themselves. In fact, when we do what's best for us, we do what's best for everyone around us.
When we're rested, respected, healthy and inspired, think how pleasant we are to be around!
Becoming Queen of Your Own Life is an attitude and it's an inside job. It starts with you and the way you think about and treat yourself.
We've learned to readjust our thinking, banish negative self-talk, support ourselves and model to the rest of the world how we want to be treated. It feels great.
Commitmentnow.com: What is your best advice for women who want to build loving, supportive friendships in their life--but find too often, they are alone and without support?
Kathy and Cindy: Every woman has moments in her life where she feels alone – people move and sadly friends pass away.
Don’t be afraid to take a risk and make new friends. When we were little we would say, “Do you want to play with me and be my friend?” It’s still that simple. Look around you at yoga, church or your children’s school and if you see a woman who has qualities you admire then ask her if she wants to go for coffee sometime or a movie.
There are a trillion truly amazing women out there who are also looking for good friends. They are all as frightened of not being liked as you are. So walk through the fear, have an
adventure and go find some new friends.
Commitmentnow.com: Tell us about some of the ways women engage in Crowning Ceremonies where they celebrate their life and themselves.
Kathy and Cindy: We've had crowning ceremonies with 50 women in a ballroom with cocktails, snacks, flowers and tiaras
and we've had crowning ceremonies over coffee with just one other woman.
The only real rule about a crowning ceremony is that you answer those two important questions out loud in the presence of one other woman.
We've laughed and cried with women as they share the things they want to banish and the things they want to keep.
At the end of the ceremony, we ask women to really cement their newfound royalty by declaring their first official proclamation.
We ask them to read this statement out loud: I (your name) am Queen of My Own Life. I will use my power each day to live my life without judgment and to enjoy myself
fully. As my first official act, I choose to__(fill in the blank)__.
We've heard everything from eat chocolate for breakfast to join the peace corp. This proclamation gives women permission to tap into their deepest desires for themselves and say them out loud in a supportive environment.
Commitmentnow.com: There is a chapter in your book titled, "Discover The Simple Trick To Finally Being Happy." Okay, tell us, what is the simple trick?
Kathy and Cindy: You simply have to decided to be happy and then practice it on a daily basis. It’s like riding a bicycle –
once you know how to do it you never forget. It’s as easy to decide to be happy as it is to decide to be
unhappy and in the end how do you really want to live your life.
Twice a day, in the morning when you wake up and at night when you go to bed think of something that you are happy about.
In the beginning keep it simple – you might be happy that you woke up or at night happy that warm water comes out of the
faucet when you wash your face. As the days pass you will find it easier to identify things that make you deeply happy.
You’ve heard of the practice of faith, well we call this the practice of being happy. It sounds too simple to be true but give it a try it really works.
Commitmentnow.com: If a woman came to you and said that she feels useless, ugly and forgotten, what advice would you give her?
Kathy and Cindy: Honestly, we would probably laugh cause we’ve been there and done that. Then we’d tell her that it's just F.E.A.R., false evidence appearing real. When you fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others you
will always come up at the short end of the stick.
The simple truth is that are all so much more alike than
we are different. We all have burdens and fears. If you’re feeling ugly, useless and forgotten the reason is
that’s the way you’re showing yourself to the world and you get what you give.
So our advice is be who you want to be and the world will treat you accordingly. A good way to get out of your own muck is to reach out to another woman. Be of service to her and yourself by helping her see her beauty and worth. By acting
as a mirror for her she will reflect back the truth about you
To Purchase Queen Of Your Own Life click here.
About the Authors: Cindy Ratzlaff and co-author Kathy Kinney have been friends for more than 30 years and they wrote Queen of Your Own Life via ichat and skype, meeting every morning, talking and writing for hours each day.
Cindy and Kathy met in college and performed together in New York City in various comedy troupes including Funny Ladies, Belles Jeste and Prom Night.
The two friends share a passion for travel and the idea for this book was hatched over goulash and Pilsner in the beautiful city of Prague, where not coincidentally, the monetary unit is the Crown.
Cindy's professional background is in book marketing and publicity and she was named to the prestigious ADVERTISING AGE Marketing 50 list for the blockbuster launch of The South Beach Diet (in the same year that Steve Jobs made the list for the launch of the ipod, by the way).
Forbes named Cindy one of the "Top 30 Women Entrepreneurs to Follow on Twitter."
A veteran publishing executive, Cindy has been a keynote speaker at the Magazine Publishers Association national meeting and a guest on Good Morning America, CNN's American Morning and featured in Prevention magazine.
As President of her own marketing and brand strategy firm, Brand New Brand You, she specializes in using new social media platforms to increase brand awareness.
Cindy is also the Head Brandividual for Supreme Social Media, a social media publishing company dedicated to creating "how-to" beginner e-books and videos to help new users take full advantage of new social media platforms for business and pleasure.
Cindy tweets and posts on behalf of Queen of Your Own Life at http://Facebook.com/QueenofYourOwnLife and http://twitter.com/Queenofownlife.
Kathy Kinney is best known for her iconic role as Mimi Bobeck on the long running The Drew Carey Show. She has acted in over a dozen films and guest stared on numerous television shows and may currently be seen in a recurring role on the ABC Family hit series The Secret Life of the American Teenager.
Kathy, whose background is in improvisational comedy, toured with Drew Carey and the Improv All Stars for the USO in Iraq and Saudi Arabia and may still be seen performing with them around the country.
Currently co-producing a project for children on the Internet aimed at furthering literacy and keeping alive the joy of books, Kathy may also be seen in the title role of Mrs. P at http://www.mrsp.com.